Tuesday, February 14, 2012. I was not always willing to give God the steering wheel when it came to my kids. I knew what was best. Have you ever felt that way? Sunday, September 11, 2011. The loss of a parent. I have mention before about what I felt about the difference maybe between the feelings of a loss of a child verses a parent. Well guess what? Friday, March 18, 2011. How do I choose? Is this person going to understand why I did not choose them? I feel, Yes! .

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I cried so much tonight. i cried the tears that have been bottled up for days while i was in that numbed out unreality. I am beginning to thaw and i do not like it. i am afraid that i cannot control this and that i will be swallowed whole by this grief. Everything is becoming more real, more certain. the funeral is on saturday. i have no idea how i am going to get through that.

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