An incident last night prompted me to make this handy flow chart for our children. The only question that remains unresolved is why Mommy was laughing so hard. I just read a book. I find this idea very appealing for several reasons.

Bruce Jenner is a Better Woman than You. Bruce Jenner is a better woman than you. After all, if a 60-something year-old grandfather can look like a supermodel on the cover of Vanity Fair, wtf is your problem? Well, actually, for several specific intents and purposes, all of them having to do with drawing the spotlight, selling your new reality TV show, and boosting the inexplicable fame of your equally self-absorbed, limelight seeking family members. The expectation that I will use.

When your only tool was a hammer, every problem looked like a nail. The highline wire is empty of swallows feasting on insects over the corn. Back in the days of my youth, my eldest brot.