All the loss leading up to the birth of my daughter will never be forgotten, but the grief is so much different now. I am not consumed by sadness and longing. Along the road to become parents, I often said that if God would just reveal His plan to me, I would be ok with it. I just needed to know how long I would be waiting for a baby and how that baby would come.

A Tell All Infertility Blog 2017 and IVF Blog 2017. I was losing my hair.

It is a bit of an adjustment now with putting her to bed with a cup instead of breast or bottle, but she has done well for two out of her first three nights during this transition period.

This morning, as restless birds announced the first traces of dawn,. My newborn daughter also stirred, yearning for the comfort of warm arms. I laid her on my chest, embraced her as I drifted in and out of sleep. And behind my eyelids, her brother appeared,. His arms outstretched to hug me, his hair golden and glowing,. He sat in my lap,. Wrapped his whole little body around me,. Told me he loved me. Overcome with love for my children,.

When my elder daughter, Natasha, was 7, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She passed away nearly five years later. I lost my son in a car accident on December 22nd. He was the only fatality. It is unimaginable pain and I wish I could say it gets better.

My full story can be found here. I use my words and personal experiences to connect with my readers on an emotional level. My goal is to raise mental illness awareness.

Sometimes I think that we have this glowing black shadow that follows us. They know it is there. It seems that no matter where my husband and I go, someone sees it.